Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Top Ten Memos from David Letterman to Staff Members


# 10.  To:  All Female Staff
          FR:  D. Letterman
               Pay no attention to
               the camera-like
               fixtures in the ladies
               rooms.

#9.  To:  All Female Staff
       FR:  D. Letterman
              The Jacuzzi is now
              clothing optional for
              senior female staffers,
              particularly very
              senior female staffers.
              In fact, clothing is
              mandatory for two
              female staffers in particular (you know who you are).

#8. To:  All Female Staff
      FR:  D. Letterman
              Clothing is still not an option for junior
              female staffers in the Jacuzzi.

#7. To:  All Female Staff
      FR:  D. Letterman
              Pay no attention to the camera-like fixtures in the Jacuzzi.

#6.  To:  All Female Staff
       FR:  D. Letterman
              All female staff must sign up for at least 60 minutes of daily
             'bounce' aerobics classes in the company gym.  New
             'bouncier' mini-trampolines have been installed in the
             'bounce' aerobics class area. I'm sure we'll all enjoy
             those.

#5.  To:  All Female Staff
       FR:  D. Letterman
             Pay no attention to the camera-like fixtures in
             the company gym, especially those mounted at floor
             level pointing up into the 'bounce' aerobics area.

#4. TO:  Maintenance
      FR:  D. Letterman
            The Green Room sofa does NOT fold out as
            specified in my contract (page 332, paragraph 4b).
            Can somebody get that taken care of before
           Tuesday's show with Britney Spears' sister?

#3. TO:  Maintenance
       FR:  D. Letterman
            Please remove the mirror from the ceiling of the
            Green room as requested by Miss Spears prior
            to her appearance on Tuesday.  Don't forget to
            install the camera-like fixtures as shown in the
            attached wiring diagram.


#2   TO:  Maintenance
       FR:  D. Letterman
           Please remove camera-like fixtures as requested
           in Miss Spears' amended appearance contract
           and install privacy curtains in Miss Spears' dressing
           room as further specified in her contract.
           And please do not give any more walk-around tours
           to Miss Lohan's attorney or mother.

#1. TO:  All Staff
      FR:  D. Letterman
           Pay no attention to that 
        man behind the curtains!

 
*The above photo file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 License.
** (c) 2009 by Tom King.  All rights reserved.  Contact twayneking@gmail.com for permission to reprint this article. Feel free to link to it as you wish.

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